A set of tools driven by (and driving) an imaginary scenario of ‘rationalist’ practitioners seeking to reshape their linguistic habits to control the transmissions of contagious viruses. The objects are symbiotically formed through an entanglement of language, virology, and interface making. The technical fantasy implies that certain letters with plosive and fricative qualities are sought to be prohibited. English letters such as ‘s’, ‘p’ or ‘f’, for example, which have the tendency to expel more speech droplets - and thus more possibility of transmitting infection - become at the centre of a scientific endeavour. Scientist find they need those phonemes to be extinct from future spoken (and necessarily written) word-scapes. As they decide to ban those letters, new forms of technical apparatus becomes necessary, and new material, social and cultural possibilities comes into reality. Ending up sacrificing language, rationalists face a new reality were all language is irrational.